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What are some of the gender stereotypes that you saw or grew up with during your childhood?
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7 Comments
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Sabahn
30/12/2020I believe more pressure is put on girls from such households and it definitely changes the way some of us decide to live our lives. It’s the fact that we live in the ‘community’…eyes are always on us and there is constant talk from relatives. We are expected to have our affairs in order, do the housework, go to university, look after the household; and later marry and have children. Whereas the men or boys of the family get to live their lives carefree or sow one’s wild oats before marriage. I am not stereotyping all BAME households, it’s just the ones I’ve come across (such as my own). After graduating, I’ve had comments from every relative about marriage. Desi women have a tendency to make us feel old after a certain age…usually the limit is 25 years old, after that we’ve ‘expired’. Comments like these make us feel like we need to have our affairs in order at a certain age, otherwise we’ve failed in life. I’ve had a lot of elder female relatives tell me that no man will want me if I don’t decide to get married soon and have children; and at one point I actually contemplated marriage. However, I sat down and reflected and really asked myself if I’ve accomplished all my goals and dreams and the answer was no…I want to travel the world more, focus on my career and enjoy my 20’s. I don’t need a man to do all these things, just as a man doesn’t need a woman to live. Girls are praised for having degrees, but as soon as they graduate, they are expected to marry…When do they actually get to focus on their career? Did they waste 3-4 years of their life just for their family to boast about their child having a degree and not actually doing anything with said degree? A lot of desi girls I know have graduated, gotten married, had children and then had no time to focus on their careers. I know my generation will definitely break this cycle and let their children live their lives without constant judgment and scrutiny.
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Zee
17/01/2021Couldn't have said it better!
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karimofthecrop
04/01/2021This is So true! I also want to add to this and say that I think women are expected nowadays to do everything, from running the household, having children, having a job, earning etc! How is it possible for us to every single thing! And men get away with not doing anything around the house and if they have a job they're praised for it! If a man picks up a dish or makes some food theyre known as "helpful" and a "good" man- when in reality when a woman does this stuff no one cares less and expects more!!!
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karimofthecrop
21/12/2020I remember, my big sister was always told that she would have to get married before she could move out. This meant she never got to move out to do the course she wanted at a university of her choice, but had to settle for a local university nearby. She was never allowed to go over night on school trips away, yet my brother was allowed. She had responsibilities to have to take care of me and my twin sister, and although I was too young to realise this at that time, I realise this now. She ended up getting married at the age of 21 and moved abroad. She now is happily divorced and lives in London, and says she now feels content with her life. She wishes she never wasted her time on a man in her 20's and rather wished she spent that time focusing on her career as she now pays for this. My mum was different with me as I grew up- maybe she learnt that marriage isn't the be all and end all after seeing my big sister and her experience. These choices affect peoples LIVES and we just need to do better! She really did have to fight for so many things that me and my twin are allowed to do now...e.g. we were allowed to go on over night school trips, I was allowed to move out to university to study etc!
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Anonymous
20/12/2020The fact that my brothers could go on trips abroad with their mates and no one batted an eye lid but I couldn't even stay out late with my friends even though I would only be a five minute drive away from home
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Anonymous
20/12/2020The fact that my brothers could go on trips abroad with their mates and no one batted an eye lid but I couldn't even stay out late with my friends even though I would only be a five minute drive away from home
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NazminA
20/12/2020Oh where to start with this one... the most problematic is definitely the obsession with 'marriage' and all the toxic attitudes that come with the insistence that a woman's life is not complete until she is married. Don't choose a career that will take too long for you to qualify into because you need to make sure you get married quickly and settle down; don't be too educated or you will intimidate men and no one will want to marry you; make sure you learn to cook because your degrees won't feed your husband... the list goes on! We really do need to normalise getting married at any age and also normalise being single - and HAPPY. Marriage ISN'T the be all and end all!
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