MWNUK launch Say Her Name page in memory of women from racialised minority communities who have been killed in the UK

Why are women expected to raise children as though we don't work, and work as if we don't have children?

26/02/2020 308 Views Careers Add to Favourite 1 Comments 3
 
Being a first time mum, going back to the workplace has had its challenges. Working as a locum, it requires me to work on late shifts/weekends. Having no family or anyone we can count on in the city, and a husband who works on late shifts and night shifts/weekends, its hard to balance that time to get childcare. With lack of childcare available on weekends, I am forced to turn down jobs. Childcare is so difficult in terms of out of hours which is required for my job. It has taken me quite a lot of work to finally find something that is within my hours and within childcare hours. How do people cope? I also feel pressure to be a stay-at-home mum alongside the pressure of a big-shot career! How do you guys feel? I also feel that social media and instagram have these glamorous women with a great career, alongside having time at home with their children! I just dont feel like I can do that. How do you all manage with the pressures of society and social media? Any tips/advice would be much appreciated!
karimofthecrop

 

1 Comments

  • Zarah.A

    02/05/2020

    I can totally relate - being a mum of two and also working in a city with no family around to help with childcare. It has taken me a long time to learn not to be so hard on myself! Just like you I would sit there scrolling on social media wondering how on earth these women do it; however we have to remember that what is posted on social media is only the "good stuff". There's plenty going on in the background that is never shown. The biggest turning point for me was sitting down and having a very frank discussion with my husband about his lack of contribution towards housework/childcare. In all honesty he didn't realise how stressed I was, and we managed to sit down together and work out a timetable and division of chores/duties. It actually resulted in him requesting flexi time from his HR and working from home an afternoon a week in order to pick up our daughter from school. I think it's really important to be open and honest with your husband and not to feel ashamed to put your hands up if you need help. When it comes to childcare could you not get some family to visit occasionally to help on the weekends? Likewise if you can afford to do so budget in a cleaner/gardener to help with chores around the house so this frees up time to do other things. Save a shopping list online and get weekly deliveries saving time on visiting the supermarket (although at the moment this may be a task for after lockdown). It's easy to say this but do what is best for you. If you want a break from your career in order to spend some more time with your child, and can afford to do so, then do it - you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Personally for me, I just keep telling myself that this is a very short period of time that I just need to get through. Ultimately I want my career to fall back on and keep me busy when the kids have grown up and are off doing their own thing. However I have decided to work part time (3 days a week) whilst the kids are still young - this has essentially stopped me from climbing the career ladder for now but I have made my peace with it. I think society is always going to give their two pence and you will always believe the grass is greener on the other side, or that someone else has it much better than you. The only way I deal with this is is literally to stop scrolling through social media endlessly, and also to just nod along but not really listen when someone voices their unwanted opinion on my home/work life balance. As long as it works for you and you are happy with the situation it doesn't matter what someone else thinks. Last but not least, make some time for yourself! It's easy to get bogged down with constant career goals/housework/childcare. Make time to regularly socialise or do something for yourself....for me this means a weekly coffee morning with some friends and reading every night before bed :)

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