By Anonymous

I thought only periods and sex was a taboo issue in my community… until I started experiencing peri-menopausal symptoms. Actually, what I was experiencing was ‘early’ peri-menopause! Let’s unpick this.

I’d like to consider myself an educated and sensible Muslim woman, so why was I shocked to learn about my early onset of peri-menopause, or menopause itself? At home, we didn’t talk about periods or even fertility, let alone sex, so menopause was never going to be a topic of discussion. But it happens. In hindsight, I think it was a classic case of ‘if we don’t talk about it, it does not exist’ like sex or periods. From a community who favoured marriage and babies, it’s somewhat surprising that we never talked about the flip side - what happens when our bodies stop being fertile and stop producing the nice hormones that keep us ticking along.

I thought I had the rest of my life to think about babies, having many periods and a healthy sex life. What I did not know was I was going to be diagnosed with early-peri-menopause 6 months after my marriage.

When I finally met Mr Right, aged 34, I thought I had the rest of my life to think about babies, having many periods and a healthy sex life. What I did not know was I was going to be diagnosed with early-peri-menopause 6 months after my marriage. It is inevitable, most women will go through this usually around 45-55 years of age. The timeframe between peri-and menopause can be as long as 14 years. Peri menopause is when you start having symptoms before your periods actually stop for a period of 12 months and menopause is once your periods have stopped and it has been 12 months. I wanted to share my menopause experience so I can shine the light on menopause from a Muslim Woman’s perspective.

Symptoms of menopause include:

· Irregular periods / heavy periods isn’t just having bad periods. It’s a symptom of menopause.

· Hot flushes / sudden feelings of hot or cold in your face, neck, chest – no you are not going mad, it is menopause!

· Mood swings, anxiety, depression – it’s your hormones fluctuating and changing.

· Brain fog / difficult to concentrate –it is not dementia, and it is genuine and scary! It can impact your work life too.

· Other symptoms: Poor sleep, migraines/headaches, joint pain, weight gain, reduced sex drive, vaginal dryness, UTIs (which can impact on relationships)

So, you can imagine my disbelief when I randomly felt sweaty in the middle of winter, experienced body odour due to all that sweating, had dry skin/vaginal dryness, was red-faced and had horrible skin and hair! I went through every possible scenario in my head of what all this could amount to. I thought I had another 10 or so years to magically have children, a great sex life and keep my sanity.

So, why was this a massive shock to the system? Because we don’t talk about it. As a Muslim woman growing up in a culture where you are prepared to be good wives and have children until forever, our femininity is defined by our ability to perform ‘womanly’ duties.

So, why was this a massive shock to the system? Because we don’t talk about it. As a Muslim woman growing up in a culture where you are prepared to be good wives and have children until forever, our femininity is defined by our ability to perform ‘womanly’ duties. But what happens if we can’t?

The women in my life often told me that I need to be a certain type of woman, which meant ticking off many boxes like cooking and cleaning, and the fact I menstruated meant (I was told) I am fertile ripe/marriageable. So, I continued life not really worrying too much about anything else - I was always going to be ‘ripe’. Our bodies are made to bear children and adjust to motherhood. From periods, to sex, pregnancy and menopause, our bodies go through so much. Allah has given us this amazing blessing of growing another human being in our wombs. It’s mentioned in the Quran and talked about over generations. But menopause was never discussed.

I can’t begin to comprehend what Muslim women had to go through in the past where there was little or no education about menopause. How did they manage marital relationships? Were their husbands aware of the changes and accommodated? Women probably suffered in silence.

Although I am getting better at talking about my personal experience, I still haven’t told my mum and mum-in-law that what I am going through is early peri-menopause. Instead, I found it easier to say we have ‘fertility issues’. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I guess it’s also about not wanting to hear “I told you so” or “you got married late therefore you are at fault.”

I wish for so many things to be different.

· Quran to be taught in a language I understand so I can learn, ask questions at a young age

· For my mother to have been educated in a world where women championed women and not shamed each other for being ‘inadequate’

· For the education system to pitch sex education lessons as ‘learning about our bodies’ which includes periods, fertility, menopause and how we don’t all fall in the ‘norm’ (and not just sex and contraception which put my parents off)

· To learn about healthy lifestyles and impact of unhealthy lifestyles on our wellbeing

· To have girls and women in my life who had conversations about women’s bodies in a no-nonsense manner and it being okay to ask questions.

· For my mum to feel empowered enough to share that she also went through early peri-menopause, and that it can be hereditary and I could have got tested earlier. Mum had all her children by the age of 33 so it was not as significant for her. But I do remember going to her GP appointment and I had to translate that my mum was experiencing dryness down there, and that she is a married woman, so it needs addressing. Interestingly, she sought medical advice when it impacted her marriage, not when she was having mood swings, hot flushes etc.

Had I known, I would have made different choices. In between my night sweats, poor sleep and weight gain I am coming to terms with my loss. It feels like a grieving process. So, there is a lot of pondering, re-imagining my life goals and exploring opportunities that I didn’t think I would have needed to.

Despite what everyone thinks, this is not the end, I am still living with early peri-menopause and still get embarrassed when I start sweating and going red in the face, or worry everyone can smell how bad my body odour is, or stop talking because I don’t remember what I was saying. This is one of the symptoms I struggle with the most. So, I do feel a lot of the time that I am losing all my senses and going into a gradual decline. I can’t seem to shift the feeling of this being the end of my life, metaphorically speaking. I know it isn’t but I’m still figuring things out.

Here’s MWN Hub’s podcast ‘Muslim Women Talk Menopause’ for those interested.