By Farah Hameed

(External Content - posted on behalf of author)

The concept of sexual intimacy seems almost non-existent amongst the Muslim community. We are made to believe that sex is performed either to have children or for the pleasure of men only and discussions about sex are still considered a taboo subject in the Muslim community.

Growing up, as girls we are nurtured to become beings that cater to a man's every need. If a girl is unable to cook, relatives will exclaim what will she feed her husband and in-laws? If she has brothers, she naturally becomes the caretaker for her parents and is expected to cook and clean for them, being seen as disrespectful if she refuses.

When it comes to sexual intimacy, it is very much the same. Women are wrongly believed to be non-sexual and the focus is always about being submissive to the needs of a man. Therefore, young boys grow to believe that women are created for their needs. As young girls, we are programmed to feel ashamed about our bodies and sex. Quiet girls are preferred as they are less likely to argue against this while outspoken girls are seen as trouble-makers.

Menstruation is another taboo topic and something that girls are raised not to be proud of as they are seen as unclean and unhygienic during their cycle. Once the cycle starts, the concept of virginity and purity is also overly regulated, to the point where the fear of using tampons is instilled into girls because it is penetrative, therefore promoting the wrongful belief that it will break the hymen.

From menstruating to relationships, every aspect of a woman's life is regulated. They are taught to converse little with the opposite gender even sometimes including male cousins as it is seen as provocative. Once girls reach a certain age, their parents then find it acceptable to find a husband who they then must be intimate with.

How is it normal for a woman to go their entire life avoiding men to just being expected to share a bed with one?

How is it normal for a woman to go their entire life avoiding men to just being expected to share a bed with one? The pressures on women on their own wedding night is unfair, especially if they may uncomfortable with not only their body, but also having to lay with someone they previously weren't allowed to touch or speak to without someone else present.

And then it becomes a matter of what the man wants, no questions asked. A woman who expresses any sexual desires, even to her husband, is shamed and portrayed as being immodest. There is this implied belief that women must satisfy their husbands and therefore have no sexual tendencies and desires. But this also means that when a marriage fails because a wife isn't reciprocating sexual intimacy with her husband as her own needs are not being satisfied, she is once again labelled as the problem.

The over policing of girls has also led some young women to become victims because once exposed to a small window of opportunity to exercise their rightful independence, they take that chance whilst lacking understanding of their safety, healthy boundaries and in some cases even consent due to not being educated properly about sex. Cultural practises and silence over aspects of natural performances and relationships endangers some Muslim women; until education of these practises becomes a priority within South-Asian communities, more will find themselves in dangerous situations.