By Anonymous

I remember comparing notes with my sisters and girl-friends about what everyone’s periods are like! This was always hush hush and even though we were all girls, there was reluctance to talk about periods! This could be a cultural thing, and it may be how we are brought up on the south Asian community. I do have to remind myself at times that although Muslims don’t talk about periods it is clearly mentioned in the Qur’an!!!!!

I remember feeling like the ‘odd one out’ as I was the only one whose symptoms were ‘over the top’. They would joke with me about having a low pain threshold, always being moody and exaggerating about my mood symptoms. In the end I thought maybe I was being ‘too sensitive’.

As the years went by, I started having mental health issues. I didn’t go to my GP as I just assumed they were period related or a really bad case of PMS (premenstrual symptoms) which everyone gets. I continued struggling with my periods and mental health throughout my teens.

In my mid 20s, I remember going to my GP for low mood, feeling depressed, anxious, lack of interest in usual activities and I explained how this fluctuated. The GP’s limited knowledge on women’s health issues meant that I was told it was PMS. I felt dismissed. So, I carried on trying to manage my symptoms on my own, even though deep down I knew something was not right.

The older I got the more I convinced myself I must have bipolar because of the dramatic changes in my mood, where half way through the month I would be extremely low in mood, feeling suicidal, and anxious

The older I got the more I convinced myself I must have bipolar because of the dramatic changes in my mood, where half way through the month I would be extremely low in mood, feeling suicidal, and anxious; and the other half I would be fine. I was put a on low dose of anti-depressants to manage the symptoms. But still no formal diagnosis.

It was only when my mental health deteriorated so much so that I was referred to Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) who then diagnosed me with PMDD. This was the first time I had heard of the term. I had never been so relieved to get a diagnosis before.

So, what is PMDD? It is a “cyclical, hormone-based mood disorder with symptoms arising during the premenstrual, or luteal phase of the menstrual cycle and subsiding within a few days of menstruation. It affects an estimated 5.5% of women and AFAB individuals of reproductive age. While PMDD is directly connected to the menstrual cycle, it is not a hormone imbalance. PMDD is a severe negative reaction in the brain to the natural rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone”. – source. 

I could finally tell my employer about my mental health diagnosis and plan work so that I could manage my workload...

I could finally tell my employer about my mental health diagnosis and plan work so that I could manage my workload / decision making during the good days and work on low key projects on my not-so-good days. It doesn’t always work as the demands of work and life can take over but where possible I try and check in with myself when I’m not feeling well.

There was a period of time where I felt so cheated in life, why did Allah create me to experience so much pain. Physical pain as well as mental pain. Being a Muslim woman navigating life is difficult at the best of times, but now that I know what I have, I practically spent half of my reproductive life being in emotional and physical pain with little relief. I tell myself that “Allah does not burden a soul with more than what it can bear” 2:286 but I must admit this is extremely difficult and I have lost faith when times were tough.

Feeling suicidal due to PMDD and having little control over it was very difficult because it made me unpredictable and impulsive; at times I had self-harmed to cope. Can you imagine for around 15 days of my cycle I will feel fine and the other 15 days I will feel low mood, have suicide ideation, tender breasts, joint pain, bloating, sleep issues, feel overwhelmed with life, and then as soon as my period starts, I feel like a new woman! It really does mess with your head!!!

This is why I thought I would write this blog. Firstly to share my experience as a Muslim woman, and secondly to share resources to help you to ask for the right help. I don’t want anyone else to suffer in silence or think they are being over sensitive or exaggerating their menstrual cycle experiences.

Top 3 things that help:

1. Keep a log of my menstrual cycle this helps me understand what my symptoms are.
2. To give myself a pat on the back when I’ve done really well despite being on my ‘off days’.
3. Check in with myself if I am displaying certain behaviours or moods.

Top 5 things that help me manage my PMDD:

1. Take medication on time
2. Self-care
3. Praying
4. Open communication with my employer
5. Telling myself it’s ok if I need time off sick to manage my PMDD symptoms

Please see this website dedicated to PMDD awareness month for more information.