Two perimenopausal Muslim women in their forties anonymously wrote to us at MWN Hub sharing their experiences of early menopause as part of Menopause Awareness Month this October. Their personal letters encourage self-understanding, and that they are deserving of the best self-care during this transition.
But also, these letters call for others to own your menopause. Given that 10% of women leave their jobs due to menopause, these two Muslim women advocate for ending the social stigma of not talking about menopause with family and at the workplace.
FB works full-time and has a young family. She writes about how her symptoms of menopause is affecting her life and why now is the time to start having conversations with her employer about this.
Dear FB (the Fearless, Resilient One),
As you journey through this transformative period of perimenopause, I want you to take a moment to acknowledge the incredible path you’re forging. Balancing a full-time job, raising three vibrant children, and pursuing your degree is nothing short of remarkable. It’s completely okay to hit the pause button on family duties and carve out time just for you. You deserve to breathe, recharge, and find some clarity amidst the whirlwind.
Right now, it feels like your thoughts are on a rollercoaster, swirling around and making it hard to find your footing. The brain fog? Utterly relentless. It’s frustrating when even the simplest tasks, like sending an email, feels monumental, leaving you reading things aloud repeatedly just to grasp them. Thank goodness for ChatGPT and Copilot—they’ve become your secret weapons in deciphering technical information given that you are managing a project that is piloting artificial intelligence for work when you are the least technical person!
The summer of 2024 marked a pivotal moment, pushing you to finally seek help from your doctor. That decision was a breath of fresh air, offering relief after years of insomnia, waves of sadness, and those fiery hot flushes that made you feel like you were melting. Taking the leap to understand your body and its needs is a powerful testament to your courage.
I know that often you feel alone, pushing aside your feelings and cloaking them in humour. And let’s not forget the comical (and slightly alarming) way you’ve become protective of that HRT gel! It’s hard not to laugh as the kids raid your bedroom, treating your moisturizers like their next adventure. And let’s be honest—the last thing you need is for your eldest to start puberty all over again. Once was more than enough, thank you very much! Then there’s your younger daughter, full of her own sass and spirit. You can’t help but shudder at the thought of what she’ll be like as a teenager, and you’re more than happy to wait a solid 3-4 years before she dives into that delightful chaos—no need to rush her into any hormonal drama!
But here’s the truth: you don’t need to hide. I see you, and I understand. It’s completely okay to acknowledge your struggles, to feel sad, to let those tears flow, and even to feel a bit angry or even pi**ed off without truly knowing why. These emotions are valid and part of the beautiful, messy journey you’re on. As you work to dismantle the cultural taboos surrounding perimenopause and menopause, it’s crucial to find the courage to speak up with your line manager about your experiences. This doesn’t diminish your worth; it amplifies your strength and self-awareness. You are diligent, hardworking, and you consistently go the extra mile.
Your experiences are invaluable and sharing them can not only support you, but also inspire others who may be facing similar challenges. You’re not alone in this journey, and it’s perfectly valid to seek support and prioritize your well-being. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate these ups and downs.
Remember, after this transformation, you will emerge as a powerful, kick-ass butterfly. Embrace the journey ahead; it may be tough, but it’s going to be so worth it. You are strong, capable, and ready to rise above any challenge that comes your way. So, take a deep breath, spread those wings, and let the world witness your incredible flight!
With all my love and unwavering belief in your strength. Know that I will be waiting patiently on the other side excited to see you fully transitioned.
Yours truly,
FB
‘Self’ writes about the importance of self-care and that it is a journey of change. A journey that she should welcome and let her family know about, so that they can understand what it is like for her.
Dear Self,
I'm writing to you to let you know that this journey you are starting called perimenopause is going to change things for you. I know you struggle with change, but it's something we are going to have to embrace, and we can either make the most of it, or we can let it control us and overwhelm us. I, for one, am not going to let it control me.
I know some days it's hard to get out of bed, you feel exhausted, you have not slept well, at best, 2 or 3 hours of sleep. But you crack on with your morning like nothing is wrong, like you're not tired. You suffer from brain fog, and you can't remember things. Things that are important now have to be written and constantly checked, so you don't forget.
Little things irritate you. Sometimes, you just need some quiet time, or alone time. This is where you should speak to your family and tell them what it's like for you, rather than let them think they are the problem, when it's not.
You need to start taking better care of yourself. Eat healthier, exercise, and rest. Go out and do something fun, do something that makes you happy.
We are only at the start of our journey, more things will come our way, but we can handle it. We can grow strong, and learn from it and hopefully educate others when they go through the same journey as us one day.
Don't worry, you got this!
Love,
Me xx
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