by Umma (MWN Hub team)
(*blog has been updated to include additional case studies.)
Spiritual abuse is often associated with faith leaders. However, religion is sometimes misused to manipulate and control the victims, who often are women and children. In the context of intimate partner violence, spiritual abuse is rarely considered. In fact, it is not recognised until other forms of abuse are reported. Calls coming through to Muslim Women’s Network (MWN) Helpline show how traumatising it can be. Women contacting the helpline for support on whether their marriage is valid or being threatened with an Islamic divorce are silent victims of spiritual abuse.
At present, the data on spiritual abuse within intimate relationships is scarce. MWN Helpline data has only recently started to disaggregate data on the subtle forms of domestic abuse to better identify spiritual abuse as a distinct category. Preliminary analysis shows that spiritual abuse is part of an assemblage of tactics an abusive partner uses to assert control over the relationship and to minimise abusive behaviours.
A wider understanding on knowing the signs of spiritual abuse will help victim-survivors to decipher if religious practices are being weaponised. In this blog, we present 8 case studies to demonstrate the effect of this abuse in preventing victim-survivors from being able to speak out and leave an abusive relationship. We also, provide advice on what you can do, if you are experiencing this abuse.
*Names have been changed to protect the identities of the women who contacted MWN Helpline for support.
Amina’s story
Amina was referred to MWN Helpline by an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (IDVA). The IDVA had concerns for Amina who was long known to the organisation as a victim of domestic abuse, coercive control, economic abuse and who was now facing difficulty in obtaining an Islamic divorce. Amina had applied for a Faskh divorce through a Shariah Council, but was told she was not eligible, despite there being many court cases, a non-molestation order and bail conditions against her husband for offences committed against her. She would instead have to get a Khula, which meant her husband could reclaim the mahr of £1000. MWN Helpline contacted the Shariah Council asking for a review on their decision to not grant a Faskh divorce.
After a decade of abuse, Leila had decided to initiate an Islamic divorce. Upon initiating the divorce, her husband retaliated by seeking custody of their child. Leila provided the mosque committee, processing their divorce evidence of the abuse suffered, which resulted in her getting a restraining order against her husband. Even with this information, the mosque committee informed that her request for a divorce will be treated as a Khula, instead of a Faskh. Therefore, to finalise the divorce, Leila had to pay back her mahr. Despite the financial burden this would put on her, Leila contacted the mosque committee trying to negotiate a smaller repayment of the mahr, however this was denied. This could potentially be a form of spiritual abuse combined with financial abuse. MWN Helpline intervened and contacted the mosque committee to reconsider their decision.
Amina and Leila’s stories call for reform in the way Shariah Councils process divorces. Where evidence of legal injunctions is provided, those must be considered as justifiable grounds for a Faskh divorce. At MWNUK, we have been critical of the way certain Shariah Councils operate with poor regulatory processes and discriminatory practices, which is leading to decisions that disadvantage Muslim women and prolongs the abuse even after separation.
Jasmine’s story
Jasmine had been married for 9 years and has two young children. Her husband is a high earner, who has always controlled the family finances. She initially contacted MWN helpline to get advice on how she could apply for a Khula. During the call, Jasmine opened up about how her husband would repeatedly undermine and use religion as a tool to control her. She was unable to work, because he would not allow it and would restrict where she could go. If she wanted to go to see her family, he would charge her for petrol. For many years, her husband would repeatedly say to her that she can get a Khula, if she wants to end the marriage. However, as he was a respected member in the community who put on a humble religious persona, Jasmine never had the confidence to challenge him. The coercive control and recording of conversations to present her as an unfit parent, propelled her to contact women’s organisations for advice. In talking about the psychological and emotional abuse, she became more aware of the coercive controlling behaviour of her husband, which conditioned her to accept the unhealthy living conditions. MWN Helpline supported Jasmine to realise she has been a victim of spiritual abuse.
Mariam’s story
Mariam contacted MWN Helpline because her husband every few months would say I divorce you, then after he had calmed down would take her back. She believed her husband could pronounce divorce without a formal process. No longer feeling sure, if she was actually divorced or not; Mariam sought scholarly advice. When she presented the situation to the scholars, she was given conflicting opinions with one saying she was still Islamically married, while another said she was living in sin because her husband’s actions had resulted in them being Islamically divorced.
The threat of divorce shows how abusers use this to wield a form of power and control in the relationship. For Jasmine, it was used to undermine her, as her husband knew she had no financial means to pursue a Khula. While for Mariam the constant threats of divorce presented the barriers Muslim women may face when seeking religious counsel on validity of their marriage.
Halima’s story
Halima, a recent convert to Islam had married her husband over the phone. She was his fourth wife and in their short 6 months of marriage had met him twice. Halima contacted MWN Helpline, as she wanted to understand the process of an Islamic divorce. She informed the Helpline advisor, after an argument over text messaging, he ended the conversation with the words – ‘I divorce you.’ When she tried to respond, she realised he had blocked her number. Not knowing what to do next, Halima contacted the Helpline asking to know whether she is divorced. MWN Helpline explained the process of Islamic marriages and divorces.
Halima’s story highlights the potential pitfalls women converts can experience in Islamic marriages. Without the necessary support network and limited understandings on women's rights in an Islamic marriage can lead to these women being taken advantage of. As shown in the case of Halima - agreeing to be a fourth wife and then within a year being sent a divorce by text message.
Jusna’s story
Jusna had been married for 16 years and believes that her husband and his family have been using ritualistic practices to control her. She found taweez around their family home and a necklace her husband would wear with strange inscriptions. Prior to contacting MWN Helpline, Jusna had been in contact with the police to report the tech and spiritual abuse. However, the police couldn’t fully understand the psychological impact of spiritual abuse and the cultural practices around use of taweez. For Jusna, having come across a helpline that acknowledges spiritual abuse, as a form of coercive control was a relief. It validated the abuse, for which she had not received support from her family, when she shared those concerns, as they defined abuse as being 'beaten'.
Kaif’s story
Kaif, a young Kenyan woman in her mid-twenties was sexually assaulted by an older man, who is a respected member of her local mosque and community. She reported the assault to the police. However, due to pressures from family and fear of being ousted, Kaif seemed reluctant to engage further in pressing charges. She informed the police that her family wanted her to consider marrying her abuser and that it was her fault this had happened – 'she was now too tainted for a respectable marriage.' MWN Helpline worked with the police and Kaif to ensure she made an informed decision about seeking justice.
Inaya’s story
Inaya contacted MWN Helpline to talk about feelings of shame and dishonour. She disclosed to the Helpline advisor, that she had contacted an Islamic scholar for advice and guidance. At first, he was helpful and once he gained her trust, he arranged a meeting to be alone with her and raped her. He then claimed that it was not his fault, said the they had not been alone and a third person was present, which was the jinn; and the jinn had gotten inside him. It was the jinn that had raped her and he had no control over what happened. MWN Helpline supported Inaya in reporting the rape and provided her with faith and culturally sensitive counselling.
Jusna’s experience of reporting abuse to the police demonstrates need for greater engagement between statutory services and culturally sensitive services on understanding ways spiritual abuse can manifest in intimate relationships. Whereas, Kaif and Inaya’s stories expose how spiritual abuse can be used to justify acts of sexual violence and intimidate victim-survivors to remain silent. When the abuser is a respected religious figure or scholar, victim-survivors may be pressurised by their family and community to not engage with statutory services. It also, shows that spiritual abuse can potentially increase risk of honour-based violence.
If you are experiencing spiritual abuse, here is what you can do:
1. Seek support: reach out to a trusted person to share your concerns.
2. Access professional help: contact a faith and culturally sensitive service for women to gain advice and support. MWN Helpline supports women experiencing forms of spiritual abuse to access relevant support and advice on next steps.
3. Build your knowledge: faith resources and research can provide a framework in making sense of spiritual abuse. Here are some suggested resources for gathering knowledge: Q&A with Fouzia Azzouz on religious abuse and spiritual abuse; Chowdhury (2023) explores the role of religion in domestic violence in UK Muslim communities and Sharifnia et al (2024) looks at Muslim women’s experiences of domestic violence.
4. Empower yourself: recognise the signs of spiritual abuse, which include: using religion to justify acts of abuse; being threatened with a divorce; being denied getting a divorce; beliefs are used to undermine one's position; fear of being publicly shamed and ostracism.
5. Emotional safety: create an emotional safety plan to enable you to build resilience in dealing with the impact of abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline has suggested some useful steps on how to develop an emotional safety plan. To read the article, click on this link.
Muslim Women’s Network UK (MWNUK) is campaigning for a legal definition of spiritual abuse, to help victims and professionals to more easily recognise it and hold perpetrators to account.
If you want to share your stories on MWN Hub, follow the link to register.
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