Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Some of you may have romantic plans for today while others may be waiting for this day to hurry up and end, but I’m here to tell you that, single or not, the most important form of love is self-love.

As an 18-year-old who lives in a generation that thrives off social media, I have noticed that social media has made it easy for people to display and show off their relationships to others and present them in a positive light which can set a standard of comparison for young girls to then feel insecure and feel the need to be in a relationship to feel validated. Well, I’d like to let you know that you do not need to be a relationship to feel valued and that it’s your own self-love and self-respect that decides your worth, not anyone else!

You should always love yourself no matter what, as people come and go, but your self-love will always stay with you!

Relying on happiness and security from a relationship can lead to being easily exploited or manipulated because you are letting someone else control your emotions, when only you are in control of your emotions. I’m not saying that relationships are terrible and that you shouldn’t be in one, however you shouldn’t have to compromise your mental and physical state to meet another person’s standards. Therefore, I feel that more young women should have a strong sense of self-love and worth before getting into one. Being in a relationship won’t fulfil you, it’s being happy and comfortable with yourself within or without a relationship that matters. How can someone else love you if you don’t love yourself? You should always love yourself no matter what, as people come and go, but your self-love will always stay with you!

This doesn’t just apply to young girls, I know that women of all ages may also feel pressured to live up to traditional and societal expectations of getting married and having children. It needs to be normalised that a being relationship or marriage with children doesn’t always equate to happiness and fulfilment. It should be normalised for women to prioritise other aspects of their lives such as their career or education.

If it doesn’t feel right for you to be in a relationship or you feel the need to change yourself in order to comply to someone else’s expectations, then you shouldn’t be in one.

I’m personally at a stage where I’m choosing to focus on figuring myself out and taking steps towards my future career instead of obsessing about my relationship status and getting in one for the sake of it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t have a crush on someone or shouldn’t search for love or that you can’t balance a relationship with other elements of your life, however if it doesn’t feel right for you to be in a relationship or you feel the need to change yourself in order to comply to someone else’s expectations, then you shouldn’t be in one.

Therefore, the point of this blog is to prioritise self-love! There are many different steps you can take to make yourself happy and not rely on someone else to:

Actively target and reprogram your thoughts - whatever you may feel insecure about, you have the power to change. You can choose whether to be sad about being single or happy about being single, the power to do this is within your mind and way of thinking. Remember, being single doesn’t mean you’re a half looking for another half to complete you. You’re already whole. You are already complete just the way you are. This is the type of outlook everyone should have and you can work on this by creating daily affirmations for yourself.

Don’t compare yourself to others and what they’re doing - you can choose to scroll through your phone comparing yourself to other women and questioning why you aren’t in a relationship or you can focus on yourself. Social media conditions people to comply to high standards and manipulate their online self-presentation so they can look their best self, but no one posts their failures. So while you may compare yourself to others and other relationships, you’re oblivious to what they may actually be going through. And even if someone looks or is doing amazing, another person’s light shouldn’t dim yours! There is room for everyone to be beautiful and happy in their own way.

Work on and invest in yourself - if you’re not happy about yourself, do something about it. I’m not saying change in order to comply to other people’s standards, but work on becoming the best and happiest version of yourself. Set goals for yourself, meditate, journal your thoughts, start a new hobby, pamper yourself, start reading a book - whatever you want to change, you have the power to change! Invest time and money on yourself!

Practise self-love and be kind to yourself - while you work on improving yourself and changing parts of yourself, remember that self-love also involves accepting yourself for who you are. You can still have parts about yourself that you don’t like and still love yourself. Love is kind, patient, forgiving and non-judgmental so don’t be so harsh on yourself. Look in the mirror and accept your flaws because no one is perfect. In moments of insecurity, we often forget what our body does for us: my voice allows me to sing, my legs allow me to walk, my nose allows me to smell good food, my eyes allow me to see the world and most importantly, I have a heart to love myself with! So, in times when your down or insecure, remember to think positive! For example, when experiencing a negative thought, stop and actively replace it with 3 positive thoughts; while you may have things to be sad about, I’m sure there are plenty more blessings for you to count. To lift my spirits, I personally like to sing and dance in front of the mirror to my current favourite songs and maybe even put on a nice outfit!

The aim of this blog isn’t to bash relationships but is to encourage us not to seek happiness, validation or approval from others when we can find it within ourselves! Have a lovely day and remember to always put self-love first!