By Ayesha (Victim and Survivor of Domestic Abuse)

I come from a very conservative family background. To discipline a child, my family think it’s okay to abuse in order for them to be on the right path. I was born and raised by my parents with this discipline in my life.

They mix culture with religion a lot. It’s hard to navigate what is right and what is wrong for me. They want me to obey them all the time. They say according to Quran you can’t say stuff to elders. They interpret the Quran to suggest that when they abuse me, I can’t say anything to them. So they use religion to justify their behaviour towards me and they think it’s right.

They control me. The outfit I am wearing. The friends I meet. How I should be in front of the guests. Not to share my age. Not to meet my family friends and talk to my relatives. Not to do henna as a career option. How I should be at dinner time. Limit me to small talk with other household members. To follow all their rules. To obey them.

They extended my visa to Pakistan against my will. One time, I was being forced to get married to one of my relatives in Pakistan. My parents thought it was the right way to correct me as I was being mannerless by disobeying them. Thanks to Allah and with some help from my good friends at that time, I overcame and fought for my rights. Luckily, I also wasn’t taken to Pakistan and didn’t get married to any of my relatives.

Abuse does not always happen with partners, and it doesn’t have to be physical abuse. It can happen with family members too. Abuse comes in different forms: emotional abuse, physiological abuse, financial abuse, domestic abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse and online abuse.

You do not need to have bruises to report to the police or any other services if you have been abused by any of your family members or partners. They listen on the basis of what you report to them and it’s confidential. It’s your choice.

Abusive Family

I thought I was adopted by them
They make me feel a stranger, an outsider

I wish things were easy for me to choose
Decisions are definitely are hard to take

They think I am burden for them
It's sad a mother gave birth to a child, a daughter,
Should be proud of them than
Misleading them to be bad like them

I am a good girl but their negativity is feeding in me
That's not good

I rather be an orphan than being brought by them
They all day have abused me and
That hurts

I am just too real and honest
They feed all lies in themselves and expected me to be fake and all

It's sad they curse me into tiny things but exaggerate
into big things

How else should I say
They blame me into things which I haven't done

It's sad
But it's true

Each day I ain't feeling myself
I lost myself
In an abandoned Island

I wish one day they came to me and say we are proud to have you
as a daughter and
My sister would be proud to have me as a little sister

Days passed and I am still the same girl with lots of emotions
It gets difficult to handle many emotions at once
Yet it feels like bottled up explosion of feelings

Every time, I say I can't take it anymore
I can't take it anymore
I whine a lot
I talk to people about it
I still in same square one
As if actions haven't made
They say actions speaks louder than words
I am still trying
I am a strong lady
People describe me as a strong woman
We are strong women
Such women we need to deal with this kind of abusive and
Yet we forgive our family with our peace of mind