By Tasneem (Founder of Disabled Muslims Matrimony)
Finding a marriage partner can be difficult, even in the best of times. Finding your soul-mate while having to overcome barriers which society has created can be even more challenging and complicated.
There are many misconceptions and skewed views within society of those with disabilities. The general stereotypical view is one of loneliness and incompetence; where disabled individuals are perceived by many as a burden. Many are astonished to learn that there are thousands of people with disabilities who live fruitful lives and are in happy marriages.
According to the Family Resources Survey 2016/17, there are 13.9 million disabled people in the UK. Scope’s Disability Perception Gap report showed that 32% of disabled people and 22% of non-disabled people feel there is a lot of prejudice against disabled people. This research shows that disability prejudice and negative attitudes towards disabled people have significantly increased in the UK within the last two decades.
We understand that all disabilities are unique in their own right, however what we have seen is that there are very limited resources and support available for those who want to take the next step in life to find their soul-mate. We therefore have created the perfect platform on our site for disabled Muslims to come together and benefit from the support and helpful information we have available to support everyone regarding advice on relationships, love, marriage and beyond.
Learning to love yourself
Unfortunately, many people often hear the word disabled and instantly put you in the ‘no marriage for him/her’ category, simply because of the negative disabled bias which society has created.
The sad truth is that this pessimistic attitude and negativity slowly drips into the heart and minds of some disabled individuals and they too start to believe these negative expectations.
The sad truth is that this pessimistic attitude and negativity slowly drips into the heart and minds of some disabled individuals and they too start to believe these negative expectations. By doing so, society is removing hope from the lives of so many disabled individuals as these expectations are being internalised which ultimately leaves them further isolated.
It requires years of self-help and recovery to undo this internalised ableism, to recognise our self-worth and to gain the belief that we too are worthy of love. Without receiving the correct help and support with regards to unlearning this negative mindset, it can have further implications in potential future relationships. By recognising these negative thoughts and subconscious programming which many have faced, i.e. being made to feel less than our abled peers, it will allow you to work on your triggers.
Take charge of your life and use this experience to your advantage. Make dua to Allah to allow you to overcome these hurdles and remain steadfast. Do everything in your power to push through these barriers and negative thoughts to help build you back up. Prove society wrong, show them who you are and make yourself proud. Take up new hobbies and get involved with voluntary work where possible. This will not only help you to socialise more but will also allow you to see the world from a different perspective. As we live in a very diverse society, taking up voluntary opportunities will mean you will get the chance to meet people of different cultures and backgrounds which can be extremely refreshing. It will essentially help you to gain a different viewpoint of life and an insight into how other communities and cultures embrace those who face different challenges.
One example of this is by volunteering at soup kitchens for the homeless, where you will get the chance to meet many individuals from various backgrounds. It will help you re-evaluate life and in return you will also inspire others in the process insha’Allah.
Life can be so beautiful if we allow ourselves to believe we deserve happiness. Do what you love, enjoy your life with family and friends, smile more and be kind to yourself.
Life can be so beautiful if we allow ourselves to believe we deserve happiness. Do what you love, enjoy your life with family and friends, smile more and be kind to yourself. Taking small steps to work on your physical and mental well-being can be a remarkable game changer. By doing so, it will help you to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem and ultimately will allow you to unlearn the negative programming which has taken over the lives of many. Your confidence will give you the strength to believe in yourself and accept that you are worthy of love and happiness.
Ask Allah to bless you with a spouse who will love you for who you are. No one is perfect, so do not live up to the pressures of society by trying to please others. Have faith in Allah and continue to trust His plan. He will always do what is best for you.
Do not give up hope. You are stronger than you know.
Disabled Muslim Matrimony - Who we are and what we do
Allow us to help you find your lifelong partner insha’Allah.
We break boundaries and build futures.
We hold events for single disabled Muslims to find their marriage partners. We also have our online matrimonial website which allows you to connect with single Muslims around the world insha’Allah.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @Disabled_Muslim_Matrimony.
We pray Allah blesses you abundantly and grants you success on your match-making journey, ameen.
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